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Memores acti prudentes futuri


It's easier to complain
but there is beauty in the mundane
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Three weeks [2P]
Saturday, February 6, 2021
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Something unforeseen
Tuesday, January 26, 2021
I'm unexpectedly happy. It feels like a freak accident, but at the same time it feels bizarre that I haven't always felt this way.

I feel like I'm reconnecting with the parts of me I like most. Like... they have been buried for some time and I'm delighted to see them again. It's wonderful to be this person again.

Here's a pleasant light track to go with my mood.

"Girls Like Zephyr" by Oleg Kostrow.

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Straying from the path [4P]
Monday, January 11, 2021
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Something that you like
Saturday, December 5, 2020
"The Dark of the Matinée" by Franz Ferdinand.

I time every journey
To bump into you accidentally
I charm you and tell you
Of the boys I hate, all the girls I hate
All the words I hate, all the clothes I hate
How I'll never be anything I hate
You smile, mention something that you like
Or how you'd have a happy life
If you did the things you like


This part of the song resonates with me more as I get older, and I increasingly find myself in the position of the one mentioning what they like. I was pretty moody and cynical as a teenager and it took me awhile to come out of the "positive thinking is stupid delusional bullshit" mindset.

I mean, it really is pretty useless to tell other people to just focus on the positive, because that dismisses their problems, but when it's a choice you make for yourself and you don't do it by ignoring the negative in life, it makes a difference. So it's more about... prioritizing the positive? Making an effort to acknowledge it and be grateful for what's there? The cynical framing of it as making things up and denying reality feels like a strawman to me. Or at least, that's how I see the way I used to understand it. I can't speak to how other people perceive it.

Changing your mindset doesn't fix all your problems or magically grant you happiness, of course, but it does take the edge off of existence enough to make it worthwhile to me.

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Reclaiming the word [4P]
Thursday, November 26, 2020
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Still going
Saturday, October 31, 2020
I keep feeling like my brain has short circuited.

So much time keeps passing somehow. I haven't written back to my penpal in three months, and every day I think I'll do it and then somehow the whole day is gone. Feelsbadman.

"My Best Friend" by Alfie Templeman.


I'm not sure what I'm doing with my time. I've been babysitting again, which is nice, but that's only a few hours a week. Started at the crisis line again too, but again that's not a big time commitment. School is on hold at the moment and I can't go out and do much, so aside from the few obligations I have during the week I mostly just... sleep, I guess. It's often more interesting to dream than it is to be awake.

It never feels like I have enough to say to write a blog post anymore. I want to write but nothing comes. Can't even write about my feelings because I don't feel much most of the time.

Tonight I listened to "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure on repeat though and I did feel something. It was a sort of beautiful sadness, deep, tender, painful, alive. It was like the old sadnesses I used to have. The ones that you are grateful for because they remind you that you can feel, that this is what feeling is. I miss feeling things deeply. So much badness in the world and the news, and I try not to absorb it but it still gets to me, and I'm burnt out on it. I've emotionally shut down to some extent to protect myself-- not intentionally, but against my wishes. It's all too much.

Nothing has ever been perfect or fully okay, but I feel less able to carve out some small space for myself to appreciate beauty and life now than before. It's a privileged position I guess, to have had the experience of life without inescapable awareness of injustice and immorality. I don't know that I've ever tried to ignore things though... Before it just felt like I had a choice on what to focus on, and I could put more weight on things that might lift me up. Now it's like the bad parts constantly intrude on my inner world and there's no respite.

Maybe we're all feeling this way though. The pandemic and politics have been burning out a lot of people.

I remember a clip from a movie-- some Japanese film I think-- where a mother is preparing food for her family. She has some kind of condition where she can't sleep or she'll die, so her family is trying to keep her busy so she'll stay awake. They plead for her to cook for them, and she finally finishes preparing the meal and then collapses. I have no idea what the context of that scene was but something about it resonates with me.

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Budgie fat camp
Saturday, September 19, 2020
I took my birds to the vet today. It's a contactless operation now, so the vet called me on my phone to discuss what they found.

"You are the proud owner of a morbidly obese budgie," she told me.

This was not truly a surprise, as I had noticed that one of my birds was indeed quite a lot heavier than the other. He just loves eating, and thanks to frequent treat offerings from my brother he has swelled up to a hefty 58 grams. That's nearly twice the weight of my other budgie, who at last weigh-in was somewhere in the 30s range.

The vet was quite colorful in describing how fat my budgie is.

"He's so fat that he's got a layer of fat making it difficult for him to poop, and he's so fat that he can't reach around and clean himself. He's probably had poop stuck down near his vent, what we call a butt plug. If he gets much fatter his legs and back won't work and he'll have to scoot around with his belly on a skateboard."

As hilarious and horrifying as this report was, the light at the end of the tunnel was that we just need to get him to lose some weight and he should be okay. The vet offered to put him through budgie fat camp for a week and I agreed. I was worried it would be thousands of dollars but it was actually under $600, which felt quite reasonable in comparison. Anyway, this is my brother's favorite budgie (and it's also his fault that the budgie is so fat), so he can foot the bill.

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Old familiar feelings [DP]
Wednesday, August 19, 2020
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