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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Saturday, September 15, 2012
"So here's what we'll do:

We'll go home and pack our overnight bags, and we'll drive down to Carmel-by-the-Sea. We'll get a nice hotel room there and then we'll crash for the night, then get breakfast the next morning and explore."

I just stared, I didn't know what to say.

"Okay, scratch that.

We'll go to the airport, we'll pick up whatever they have that's flying to New York immediately, we'll pack our overnight-- no okay, it'll be longer that that-- we'll pack our bags, and we'll fly out. It takes... what, eight hours? to get there?"

"Uh, more like five hours. A bit more than four," I said.

"Yeah but I'm thinking of layovers. Okay well anyway, we'll get there, and we'll ask the airport staff what the nicest nearest cheap hotel is, we'll sleep, and then we'll wake up the next morning to go sightseeing. If we leave now we'll get there... Saturday morning, I'm thinking. I'll tell my work I'm taking my days off, and they can go fuck themselves. Or maybe that I'm sick."

I had some (admittedly probably weak sounding) reasons I didn't want to do this.

"Can't you just put your lotion in a checked bag? I'll pay for whatever checked bags we have," he said.

And I was just wide-eyed, somewhat shocked, nearly speechless, saying no.

---

My boyfriend has the urge to travel, and last night he just wanted to whisk me away with him and go somewhere. He wanted to drive to another city and find something to do, something that wasn't just sitting on my couch, watching movies together.

I couldn't agree to it, though. It's just too irresponsible to leave like that with no warning. And yeah, of course it would be exciting... and it would be an adventure... but I just can't do that. My parents trust me to be a fairly responsible and rational individual, and I can't breach their trust by running away for a few days.

I guess in New York I could feel like I had more slack. I still did all my work, I always do my work, that's not something that's optional and it never will be, but the rest of the time that I didn't have classes, if my friends were free, we could just go somewhere. I can't do that here, not really. I don't want to worry my parents, and since my dad retired the idea of spending money has become a lot more scary. My parents have been really generous to me, and I have an account they've placed some funds into that I can use. Not a huge amount, and I'm supposed to use it for school, which I do.

I don't know why I'm rambling like this. He just caught me so off guard last night.
5 Comments.


You remind me a lot of myself. Not at all like myself when I was your age though lol. I would have jumped on that offer like it was a trampoline when I was your age... it probably would have blown up in my face though, most decisions pre-22 did for me lol. You will be thankful for your responsibility in a few years and hopefully then you will be able to occasionally submit to spontaneous running away if you so desire.

Sidenote - Your boyfriend sounds pretty cool.
» BelleoftheBlues on 2012-09-16 12:41:28

RE
Yeah high school was very difficult for me. I was bullied practically non-stop and whenever I would try to do anything it would always make the situation worse and it just spiraled out of control. I look back now and think I should have tried 10x harder to focus on schoolwork and get out of there early but that just wasn't who I was.

Thank you for your post, it was much needed. It kind of reminded me of how my mom tries to put things in perspective, comforting and logical.

And skate butt made my day probably more than I should admit.
» BelleoftheBlues on 2012-09-16 12:46:58

Maybe you guy can compromise and plan a trip? An inexpensive one, somewhere near-ish, but far enough away for your boyfriend to feel spontaneous.

But yeah, I hear you, I don't know that I'd be able to just hop up and go somewhere without any warning.
» Amelie on 2012-09-17 11:36:37

Haha, I've thought about that. If anyone from Nutang showed up it would be a little awkward explaining our friendship.
» Amelie on 2012-09-17 04:04:48

I always want to take random trips, but money is always the stopping factor. I want to visit New York more often though. I heart it a bit.
» thaitanic on 2012-09-19 01:33:47

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