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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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So comfortable
Monday, September 14, 2009
For now I feel happy, and it feels right. I don't feel uncomfortable with this feeling anymore, and suddenly it seems like it's okay to smile when I'm by myself. And I couldn't stop if I wanted to.

He arrived at around three, and I went downstairs. We hugged, and he showed me the tickets he'd gotten for Madame Tussaud's wax museum. I asked him if he knew when it closed, but he didn't, so I had to go back into the dorms and look it up.

We took the bus to the subway station, and then the train to Times Square. The museum was fun... he posed with a lot of the figures and I took pictures. There's a little section in there called Scream, and they have people who are supposed to creep you out. He harassed them, heh... one of them he kept calling fake, but the guy wouldn't talk. I guess he got fed up with all the insults though, because he said "the only thing fake is your chain." :P

There was a creepy old-ish fat guy wandering around, taking pictures of himself with the figures. It was hilarious. :3 We asked him if he wanted to take a picture with us, then of us, since he declined for that, but he said no. For the rest of the time though, whenever we saw him, I laughed a little.

After the museum, we walked around the city. He had his arm around me and we just walked together, looking at the shops and street vendors. There was a Borders down one of the streets, so we went inside and looked around. It was uneventful, but not awkward or boring.

Around seven or so, we walked to another subway station and rode back to the school. At first we got on the wrong train, but I kind of knew we had, so I said we should ask someone if it was going the right way. A man told us that we were going in the wrong direction (as I suspected), so we hopped out at the next stop and waited for the F train going the other way. It took a little while, but it didn't matter. I like being with him wherever we are.

It was dark when we returned. Or, at least, as dark as it really gets around here. We sat on a bench in a little garden by the dorms, and just talked until eleven. He had his arm around me at first, and then we were leaning on each other, and after a while I just laid my head on his lap and we held hands.

It was nice. :) I've never held hands with anyone before, so it was a new experience for me. His hands are almost twice the size of mine... on the train back he played with my fingers, gently curling and uncurling them one by one... neither of us knew why he was doing it, but I didn't mind.

I feel so comfortable when I'm with him. It's all so surreal to me... we can just talk about anything, and he can put his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek and I don't feel weird about it. We haven't even known each other for a week and a half, but we seem to just get along really well...

He asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I couldn't think of anything. I told him I was happy to just spend time with him... so now we're going to hang out every day until he leaves, I guess. And I've got to figure out how to write decent letters so I can keep in contact with him while he's at bootcamp...

I was so happy earlier, but now I feel sad that he's going to leave. Things are going to be different without him... or the same as they were before we met. In other words, depressing.

---

I like it when he calls me "baby", and when he plays with my hair. I like it when we sit together and talk about everything and nothing. I like that he's spontaneous and fun and always has stories to tell, and that he's so protective of me...

I guess I really do like him.
6 Comments.


:D
So nice.

It's been a while since I've had a new boyfriend. :/ Lots of fuzzy nice feelings. :)
» invisible on 2009-09-15 12:59:19

Hahaha randy you are blowing my mind right now. This is so radically different than anything I've heard from you since -- well pretty much ever. BUT of course it's good and you know that when I laugh it's not cuz I'm laughing at you, just laughing because the whole scenario is so incredulous and totally out of the blue. I guess the whole college situation is really working out well for you lol.

Ok now seriously try and not get depressed, because it's not like you'll ever see him again (where is he going, anyway??), and this whole light-hearted thing is quite an interesting shift in your blog. I kinda wanna say something like..."I freaking told you so that happiness existed in the world" but I think you've kinda already figured that out by now :D
» The-Muffin-Man on 2009-09-15 05:54:21

AWWWWWWWW!!! I guess love is really in the air.

I don't know what else to say!!
» Nuttz on 2009-09-15 07:18:38

that sucks that he's leaving. my girlfriend wants to join the marines. glad you're having a good experience at college, though. make the most of it!
» thaitanic on 2009-09-15 08:51:31

It's a wonderful feeling (:
» inhuman on 2009-09-15 10:45:53

well if you have trouble with assignments, you can show them to me, and i can scratch my head, and make confused faces, and then tell you that i don't know anything about those subjects. perhaps your knowledge on the subjects will make you feel better :)
» thaitanic on 2009-09-15 11:52:15

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