Indeed, I shall be at my normal residence not twenty four hours from now! (I hope)



Since I'm pretty sure I won't be on Nutang all day, here's a story to keep you occupied.

Safari Beta

"Good morning, and welcome to the Highschool Safari Beta. Some of the things we see today may be disturbing, and possibly dangerous. For your own sakes, PLEASE keep all arms and legs INSIDE the vehicle at all times. We have had incidents of passenger-related injuries before, and we do care about our customers. If you don't believe me, here is a picture of the last vict- er, unfortunate mishap. This poor man was dragged from the vehicle and subjected to 'dodgeball'. He survived, but he lives on as a warning to those who think they are beyond the reach of harm."

"Many of you will know by now the fine specimens we view on our regular tour. This tour does not contain any of the aforementioned highschoolers. If you wish to see them, tickets for the normal tour are available at the ticket office."

"Now that that's over, we can start. Our tour begins with the infamous fatticus gluttonas. This species recently experienced a population boom, most likely due to the sudden abundance of nourishment commonly known as 'junk food'. Fatticus gluttoni tend to join other packs of highschoolers, rather than form their own. The reason for this is currently unknown."

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to please stop feeding the fatticus gluttonas. Yes, I know he's cute, but you simply must stop. MA'AM! I can SEE the Twinky you're hiding behind your purse! If you don't cease and desist, I'm going to have to stop the tour and take you back to the ticket office! Yes- yes, put it down- Good. No- ma'am- No don't throw- I'm sorry everyone, but I'm afraid our friend here has just violated the rules, and must be taken back to the office. We'll be back shortly."

"And I've returned. Next on the agenda is gangstermus posernum. The main population of this currently thriving species is situated in the 'quad', but small groups have been found all over the campus. One of the distinguishing features of this common highschooler is the 'sagging' of the pants. This simply means that the garments worn over the lower half of the body are loose, and therefore 'sag' below the waistline in the back, usually revealing the undergarments known as 'boxers'. Though other types of undergarments exist, gangstermus posernum has never been seen wearing briefs, known to them as 'tighty whities'.

"Here by this tree we can see a mixed group of female highschoolers. Within it are twistidius psychotus and sidekickhus mysteres. The former is characterized by violence and sometimes alienation from many other species. We haven't quite figured out why the latter exists, but observation has yielded the possiblity that it accompanies more prominent species for a reason."

"Ah, do you see them? It's a line of preppycus girletus. They cannot rightfully be called a pack or herd, since they have a distinct, orderly formation. They walk side by side in long lines, often blocking important routes. Though the formation is low in efficiency, many other species have copied it, and it can often be seen throughout the school. This can cause 'tardies', the common name for being late to class."

"As we enter the parking lot of the school, I have to ask you now, more than ever, to abide by the 'no arms or legs outside the vehicle' rule. You'll see why in a moment. It may be empty now, but very shortly you will witness the appearance of the feared studentus driverus. I can see some of you are a bit scared- Well, don't be. As long as you stay in the vehicle no harm can come to you. Just remember not to- HERE THEY COME NOW! This species is known for its use of cars and other such modes of transportation. Though usually not skilled in the operation of automobiles, many studentus driverus enjoy 'speeding'. One is coming towards us now! See how he forgets the turn signal? This is not uncommon in this group, though it IS dangerous. Let's watch the one in that red car over there... Wait- Is that- Oh no. MA'AM, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT IN THE TICKET OFFICE UNTIL THE TOUR WAS OVER! MA'AM! PLEASE, FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY, STAY ON THE SIDEWALK! NO MA'AM DON'T TRY AND FEED THE- Oh my- Oh-"

"Please look away, it's a rather gruesome sight. And, er, sir... Please put away your camera."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry we had to cut the tour a bit short, but I hope you've enjoyed the portion of the Highschool Safari Beta that you got to see. I wish it hadn't had the erm- tragic... and... messy... ending that it did, but unfortunately that can happen when the rules are disregarded. Don't forget to stop in our new giftshop for a complementary keychain, and have a pleasant- and safe- rest of the day."

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