A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Sleeping all the time
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
For some reason I just want to sleep a bunch during the day. I don't feel awake until it's night. That seems problematic, given that my next semester starts next week and I have a class in the city that starts at 9:30am. Gonna have to get up at like 5:30am again to make it.
Kyle came to visit me over the weekend. We went to Maker Faire and stayed at a cool hotel. Maker Faire was... not that amazing. It didn't have as many independent projects and things, and overall felt a lot more corporate and less interesting. Was kind of disappointing. I used to really like it. We had a decent time though, and got to see a prototype mech lumber around.
I would post pictures from the hotel, but I forgot to take my camera with me there and KYLE HASN'T SENT ME THE PICTURES HE TOOK YET. >:C
On Sunday I took him to ECS and met up with Trevor there for the first time in like... two and a half years. We didn't have much time to actually talk though, because the speaker ran over time and people had tons of questions afterwards. Will have to try to hang out some other time, I guess.
I know I haven't written in awhile. It's not that I'm especially busy, although I have been up to stuff this past week and a half. I guess I'm just not feeling that motivated to write.
On Monday night I hung out with my friend Matt again. We only hung out until 3am this time, haha. Watched part of the Animatrix and talked a bunch. It's interesting. It feels like it's becoming a close friendship even though we've only hung out three times. I guess, to be fair, we hang out quite a lot every time we hang out, but still. He said he felt like he had room for another close friend in his life. I think I do too, although I'm wary of committing to that label. I feel like a friendship needs to withstand the test of time before it deserves to be called close. Otherwise it's intimate, but its consistency is unproven.
My iPod played this a few days ago and I've been thinking about it since then.
"Shalott" by Emilie Autumn.
She says "That' man's gonna be my death, 'cause he's all I ever wanted in my life
When I saw my therapist on Monday, he made a suggestion that horrified me. He has latched onto this idea that I'm smarter than the average person, which I guess might line up with my experience in the world, but I feel averse to it. Anyway, he was posing hypotheticals, and said something along the lines of "suppose you were in the 99th percentile..." I didn't want to go along with that line of thought, even if it was an imaginary scenario. I mean, I'd be a genius if I were in the 99th percentile, and I'm definitely not a genius.
I dunno, the idea of being way smarter than other people kind of scares me. I don't think I'm actually that far from other people in intelligence, but the theoretical possibility is uncomfortable. It seems like it would just be another barrier to being able to connect. My impression has been that people who are way smarter than other people only partner well with others when the average level people are serving some kind of support function to the smarter person's ambitions. That's not a setup I'd fit into.
We also talked about me feeling like I have to train people to interact with me. It's not something that happens with friendships so much, but it's something I feel around romantic and therapy relationships. Anything with conflict resolution. Nobody knows how to be supportive to me and I have to teach them. I'm so tired of it. It's not that people don't make the effort, but... effort only gets you so far. I feel stuck in this choice between "appreciate people's effort even though the actions are unhelpful," "train people to do better but face them getting frustrated and giving up," and "stop trying entirely and just resign myself to not having mutually supportive relationships"... Why am I so difficult to provide emotional support to? I've worked a lot on not getting annoyed with people when they give me unsolicited (and usually obvious) advice. I tell myself that they care enough to try. It just doesn't make me feel any better. Ugh.
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