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Memores acti prudentes futuri


We were standing there when the moon broke through
and I wonder still what it meant to you
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
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Friending/unfriending and quality of friendship
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
I was watching a video the other day about millennials and some of the patterns of the generation, and a minor point that came up in the video was that it can be a really big deal to some people to be unfriended on social media. This makes sense to me in theory, but I guess I just don't... share that feeling.

"Millennials in the Workforce, A Generation of Weakness - Simon Sinek" by After Skool.

I've been contemplating a number of the habits I've cultivated that have been protective, mostly unintentionally. My attitude towards social media is one of them. I didn't get Facebook until I was 19, which, while still within the crucial developmental period of my life, wasn't early enough for a lot of social media habits to become ingrained in me. Obviously I've been blogging on here for 10+ years, and I've felt some things come out of that (a pull to write in ways that attract more comments, for one), but I feel like I escaped the brunt of social media's influence during my adolescence. I've protected myself, but also isolated myself from the experience of my peers by doing this.

So in theory I do understand why unfriending is a big deal, but I don't have the up close sense of it that I wonder if I need to truly empathize. I unfriend people all the time, and keep my Facebook friends list very small-- it's limited to people I'm actively talking to, essentially. And actually, I regularly go through my list and unfriend people I haven't been talking to. I don't see unfriending as a definitive comment on my relationship with someone-- if at some point we talk regularly again, I can just add them back. That's what happened with Trevor. We had a break in our friendship, but now we talk again. It seems rare for friendships to survive like that, though. There's rarely enough investment for one or the other person to keep trying to reconnect, or that behavior gets shamed as clingy/aggressive.

I just don't see a lot of people fighting for their friendships or relationships, I guess. Not to say it doesn't happen, but for whatever reason, it's not represented well in the sample size I've gotten in life. I am appalled by what I perceive as the attitude many people take towards others-- that the relation is disposable, because they can always find a new one. The availability of instantaneous gratification and its degrading effects on the depth and strength of relationships is disturbing. Maybe it works for people, but that's not how I want to live my life or conduct my friendships. I wish there were an easier way to identify the people who didn't view things that way.

This latest person I've been having an intellectual discussion with-- maybe he gets it, we'll see. He's definitely intelligent enough to understand, I think, but this isn't something that is related solely to intelligence.

Another side of things is that I feel heavily discouraged from attempting to patch things up with people who were formally significant figures in my life, for a variety of reasons. One of the biggest is that there's no point if they're not also interested, and many people aren't because they ultimately treat people as replaceable, whether or not they realize it. I also don't want to face scoldings from my friends about "hanging on" to things, even though that mindset feels terribly wrong to me. They're coming from a place of good intentions, I think-- they want me to be happy, and they think that being happy means "not thinking about it" and "getting over it"-- but we don't have the same goals.

I think something that hasn't changed about me in a long time is that none of my goals include "be happy" anywhere. This seems like something people easily forget about me, or don't understand to begin with. Happiness has been a fortuitous side effect of my other efforts to be a better person, but that's it.

Whether or not it feels good or is easy, I just want to try to do the right thing, the way I've defined it for myself.
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