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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Neuf heures du bébé
Thursday, December 10, 2015
So, I babysat for nine hours today. That was an ordeal.

The baby is sick right now, so she spent the first five hours I was there crying and drifting off to sleep on my shoulder (as long as I held her in a very specific position that was uncomfortable for me). Kept wanting me to open the door to the garage, I'm assuming because she wanted her mom to be there.

[Spoiler: Her mom wasn't there.]

Before she left at 9 AM, her mom told me that the baby would probably want some food soon. Well, the baby refused to eat anything until around 1:30, when I decided to put her in her highchair so my arms could rest. I started eating a banana I'd brought for lunch, and suddenly bananas looked delicious and appetizing and the baby wanted some too. (Prior to that, I had offered her a banana no less than three times)

Eating some food did cheer her up... As did watching multiple hours of Sesame Street, which I'm not sure I should really have let her do, but it was the only thing that made her stop crying up until she ate. She finally wanted to play after I cleaned up her lunch, and then I took her out in her stroller and we walked around a local shopping center and the neighborhood for a little while.

Got back to the house. Instant crying again. Welp. Sesame Street didn't work that time, so I ended up just putting on the white noise app on my tablet (set to 'waves on the beach') and pushing her around in the dark in the garage for an hour. She fell asleep halfway through, and I tried to take her inside, but she woke up as soon as the light hit her, so I had to push her around until she dozed off again. Sneaked into the house, turned off the lights, carefully carried the stroller in, and waited in the dark for her parents to come home at 6 PM.

But, you know, I have to admit that as unpleasant as all that was to deal with for me, it was probably worse for the baby. She's pretty helpless and can only barely communicate verbally. She cries because that's her main way of getting her needs fulfilled. I imagine it sucks a lot to not really be able to do anything for yourself and have extreme difficulty communicating with the people who can help you. It's even worse that your primary method of communication in this situation is extremely unpleasant to others and can make them angry or upset with you.

Being sick and without her mother is probably one of the worst things the baby has experienced, too. It doesn't seem like much to me or the people reading this (I'm assuming, at least), but the baby doesn't have anything to compare it to. She doesn't understand yet that the bad feelings will pass, that they're not really all that horrible in relation to other things.

I'm lucky, though. I got to go home after those nine hours. Her parents get a break when they go to work, but they've had to deal with her being sick for well over a week now.

When I'm feeling uncharitable or unsympathetic towards crisis line callers I think about that a lot. Even if it gets frustrating to hear the same person's story over and over, and know they're not changing or getting better, it has to be worse to be them. I get to leave after my four hour shift. These people can't just leave their lives. Maybe it's tiring for me to hear about some guy's hypochondria and anxiety again and again, but he has to live that, and he doesn't get a break.

I am very appreciative that I have the option to go somewhere else and not be miserable all the time, and I try to express that by being more patient and compassionate with my callers/babysitting charges/hospice patients. What I feel is not as important as how I express it.
1 Comments.


Yeah I did. It was definitely good.

That is such a great outlook! I'll have to remember that when I'm dealing with people.
» middaymoon on 2015-12-13 11:25:54

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