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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You move forward, I move backward
and together we make nothing at all
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
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Saturday, May 2, 2015
I started reading Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl with my boyfriend. We are around halfway through now, I think. It's very short, less than two hundred pages, but it's very engaging and interesting.

There are a lot of excerpts I like, and I feel like I relate a lot to the themes in it, though I feel almost like I'm exaggerating my own experiences of suffering or demeaning Frankl's by making such a comparison-- after all, he went through the Holocaust, and well... nothing remotely similar has happened in my life. My boyfriend pointed out that external circumstances don't necessarily determine the intensity of the subjective experience of suffering. He has a point, I guess. I mean I still don't think anything in my life could compare to what happened to Frankl, but perhaps there is no point in comparing such things.

Anyway, this bit from pages 102-103 stood out to me:

"God knows, I was not in the mood to give psychological explanations or to preach any sermons - to offer my comrades a kind of medical care of their souls. I was cold and hungry, irritable and tired, but I had to make the effort and use this unique opportunity. Encouragement was now more necessary than ever."

It reminded me of something I've been trying to do in my own life-- have compassion and understanding for others even when I'm in a bad mood or I don't like them. I know people's intentions are often better than their actions show, and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. The key word here, of course, is try; I'm making an attempt, but I don't know how often I'm succeeding.

I described my thought process in carrying this out to my therapist, and he remarked that I was "generous"-- a more positive way to say "too nice" or "too forgiving" perhaps, haha. Being "too nice" is only a problem insofar as it prevents you from taking care of yourself though, and I don't think I'm doing that. I'm just trying to practice unconditional positive regard in my life... I don't know if I've felt it within my own life (outside of dreams), but I would like to be able to make other people feel it, if I can.

At the same time, I don't want to have these lofty goals and pat myself on the back for being "such a good person"-- if my behaviors have no visible positive effect, my intentions don't matter all that much. A passage from one of my textbooks made me think about this more.

If you don't want to read all that, the gist is this: we know our own intentions but know only others' actions, therefore we tend to judge ourselves more positively than we judge others. I'm trying (there it is again: "trying"!) to compensate for this tendency by finding out what people's intentions are before judging them for their actions, and by considering how my own actions come off when nobody can see what my intentions were. I can, I guess, be satisfied with myself for taking these measures, but I cannot expect that anybody else should acknowledge my efforts if they see no fruition, and I shouldn't exhibit overblown attitudes about myself.

I'm really confused about why this video is of a guy using a weedwhacker, but uh, here's "I Wanna Get Better" by Bleachers.
Recommended by 1 Member

First of all, Bleachers. Great band.

Onto all these AWESOME THOUGHTS:
- Fantastic that you linked to the pdf, because my first thought was, "This does look like an excellent book to read BUT MUST I PAY???"
- If we all took the relativity of our pain and suffering into account, there would have to be one ultimate sufferer to whom we would all have to refer when discussing our own difficulties, and that would be rather cumbersome to define and then carry out.
- THIS LAST PIECE IS GREAT! And, from what I've tried with myself, it isn't super hard to condition yourself OUT of that mindset. It's nice to feel like you're being gentle with people. Rewarding.
» Unicornasaurus on 2015-05-03 09:12:56

weed wacker -- maybe just to have a video to put the lyrics to? or perhaps as metaphor for cleaning up, improvement?.... WHO KNOWS.

You're right, I didn't want to read all of that [right now]. Thank you for the summary. X)

I am usually pretty perceptive of people's... vibes(?)/personality/erwhatever. I think most people want to be (at least perceived as, if they find it hard to feel like) a "good person". I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, trust them to do what they say they will, and whatnot. Sometimes I think about how trusting isn't always beneficial, but I would rather be willing to trust people than to live cynically. I'd rather love and get hurt than to not care at all in the first place. I think most people respond to love (or care, healthy attention, etc.) positively. When we feel loved or appreciated, we flourish, can better reach our potential, and are more happy. I think it's worth it. Keep on trying! You will eventually change. :)

Interpersonal relationships, building up people, that's my greatest passion. (But I don't know how to major in that? I also love reading so I settled on an English major, but this semester I've been thinking about changing it. I just don't know!! I should talk to a counselor/advisor/somebody...)
Life is weird.
» invisible on 2015-05-04 12:23:25

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