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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You move forward, I move backward
and together we make nothing at all
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
:)
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Things are good.

:3

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Something nice
Friday, November 16, 2018
I had very little sleep today. Stayed up until past 5am chatting, and then my alarm went off around 7... but I snoozed it until closer to 8. Had work at 9am.

Came back home, made some plans, attempted to nap, sort of succeeded for a couple hours.

Woke up earlier than I wanted to and decided to take an oatmeal bath. I accidentally ran the bath a little on the cooler side than I meant to, but it was still nice.

And then... well... I had a nice evening. I don't think I want to say too much about it at present, but I enjoyed myself despite some tiredness here and there.

When I got back to my car at the end of the night, someone had drawn a heart in the dust on the back window. It felt fitting.

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Culture, love, and involvement
Sunday, November 11, 2018
In my class on Thursday we were talking about different cultural understandings of love, and how it can present differently depending on the person. Specifically, in western cultures there is often more of an emphasis on passionate love (in a romantic setting), whereas in some asian cultures there tends to be more emphasis on companionate love. One of the examples in the book was about an interracial couple (white and asian) who were having trouble with their relationship. The white partner felt like the asian partner didn't express enough affection anymore, while the asian partner was surprised and didn't think that was necessary once it had been established that it was a loving relationship.

In my own family and romantic experiences, I've realized I share some of those more asian styles of love. Love and closeness for me seem to mean a high degree of involvement in each other's lives. Not like you're constantly doing things together, I mean, but just, I dunno, knowing what's going on with the other person? Being up to date on everyone's lives. Keeping in contact. Saying words about feeling love are fine and all, but they aren't what transmits the sense of love in themselves. They're almost like a... superfluous gesture.

I have a hard time reconciling the idea that someone could care about me and not want to know what's going on in my life. Can't really imagine how that works. I don't think I lose that curiosity about people unless I just don't care about them.

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Religious experience and exercise [4P]
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Work thoughts, gym freebies
Friday, October 12, 2018
"Side Of The Road" by Big Black Delta.


I worked today, although since I usually have to leave early on Fridays to babysit, I don't have a static room anymore. Today I subbed in the 4-5 pre-K room. Lots of boys, and I always find myself wondering how many of them are going to grow up and break someone's heart. Oddly enough I don't have that thought about the girls, even though it's equally applicable. I feel some affection for them now, but also sadness because of the knowledge that their lives will get so much more complicated.

Also went to the gym today, which I usually don't do on Fridays anymore because... I dunno, I'm lazy now. Tired all the time, maybe. I took a five hour nap today so I guess I must have been exhausted? But after that I was good to work out. They had some freebies/samples at my gym, including spicy Skittles and some kind of Garnier hair mask. Pretty good stuff, actually. I tried out the hair mask when I showered tonight and it's a little overpowering in the scent department, but I like how my hair feels. The Skittles were interesting, not bad. Not really that spicy. I doubt I'd ever buy them, but they were fun to try.

I actually feel pretty good at the moment, which is maybe why this entry is just about random stuff I did and less about deep philosophical thoughts, haha.

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Things I thought I wanted but which I maybe don't really want
Sunday, October 7, 2018
Recently I've developed this awful tendency to question my own consumerist indoctrination whenever I see something I think I'd like to buy.

Cute clothes? "Is this just me buying into the idea that clothing is inseparable from personal expression?"

Branded merchandise of something I enjoy (e.g. People Watching)? "How does having a shirt with these characters on it matter to my enjoyment of the source?"

3 CD box set of The Caretaker's Everywhere At The End of Time? "Why do I seem to believe that having this physical set would enhance my experience of the music?"

It's a good way to not spend any money, but it's also a good way to suck all the fun out of buying things. But then there's the question of why buying things is fun in the first place, and whether that's actually something worth valuing, or I've just been surrounded by this cultural attitude so long that I've never thought to question it, despite it actually being fairly weird. I'm not going to start going around and yelling "WAKE UP CONSUMERIST SHEEPLE" and knocking products out of anybody's hands, but it's something I'm thinking about in my own life. Not freaking out about it, and not making a shift towards material minimalism, but being more aware of how consumerist culture affects me, I guess.

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A little belated
Monday, September 24, 2018
My birthday has come and gone. Not too much to speak of, except that my friend Matt surprised me at the train station in the morning with cupcakes that had little fondant budgies on them. I was catching an early train, so it was before 7am, and I knew he was going to come see me there, but I didn't know about the cupcakes. It was a really nice way to start off my day and I'm very appreciative of the effort he made.

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Family history and magnanimity
Sunday, September 16, 2018
My family has been trying to have dinner together on Sunday nights for the past few months, in an effort to promote cohesion and know more about each other. Lately I've been asking my parents questions about our family history, partially because I'm taking a Family Dynamics class and it's making me wonder about a lot of things. Tonight we went to a sushi restaurant and both of my parents shared some things about our family history that they knew. I learned the names of my maternal grandfather's parents and some of their story, and my dad retold us a story about my great great great grandmother on his side who fell down a well in China and couldn't get out for days because she had bound feet and struggled to climb out on her own. I can't even imagine how traumatic that would have been to go through. Unsurprisingly, after she was shipped off to Hawaii to marry my great great great grandfather, she worked as hard as she could to sew clothing to sell so she could save money to stay in Hawaii. Hawaii had running water, unlike China at the time, so there weren't wells around.

The personal stories of history can be so fascinating. It's disappointing to me that for a long stretch of my life, I just saw history as an incredibly boring summary of wars and treaties. It was sanitized of much of the life and individuality that characterized the lives that made it up.

---

Unrelated to my thoughts about my family history (at least, for the most part), I was reading more of Technology and the Virtues by Shannon Vallor tonight. I just finished the chapter on virtues that we can apply in the 21st century, one of which was magnanimity. Magnanimity is one of those words I have often seen but never thought too much about. After reading about it though, I think I will add it to the self-development "to do" list I keep to remind myself of which values I strive for and what things I want to work on.

Furthermore, the sense in which the 'great-souled' or magnanimous person is 'above' the common person is chiefly concerned with their lack of pettiness-- their unwillingness to defile their virtue by scrabbling in the dirt over trivial advantages, honors, titles, prizes, or other ego-boosting trifles. The great-souled person does not ignore these things because he wishes to be above others, rather he is above others just because he tends to ignore these things. The things the great-souled person values are more valuable. The magnanimous person is the one who has a sense of nobility and self-worth founded in a lifetime of moral and social efforts rather than relatively meaningless zero-sum contests of ego. The magnanimous person can afford to be generous in spirit where others are not. He can absorb a petty insult without having to repay it. He can warmly greet the person who has pretended not to notice his arrival. He can let the other car swoop into 'his' parking space at the mall without responding like a rabid dog.

[...]

What, then, is the relevance of this classical ideal for 21st century life? Who talks or thinks about being 'noble' any more? This is precisely my point. Magnanimity enables and encourages moral ambition and moral leadership, two things sorely lacking in our contemporary technosocial milieu. Moral ambition can be described as the ability to 'think big' in one's moral aims. The magnanimous, those with justified moral ambition, are able to go beyond what most of us can afford in the moral realm (often little more than 'I'm going to try to be slightly less of a selfish jerk today'). The magnanimous can pursue and lead others in moral projects that require enduring courage, deep wisdom, expansive empathy, extraordinary care, and tolerance for great frustration and conflict-- because they have successfully cultivated these virtues as resources for such projects.

Reading this, I have a renewed sense of something to strive for, which feels especially important at this juncture in my life. I've been fairly depressed lately and I think I'm coming out of it a bit right now, so it helps to have something to invigorate me and remind me of who I want to be.

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